{"id":1801,"date":"2018-12-22T15:45:36","date_gmt":"2018-12-22T15:45:36","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/stillpointcounselingandwellness.com\/2020\/02\/19\/healthy-boundaries-and-holiday-happenings\/"},"modified":"2018-12-22T15:45:36","modified_gmt":"2018-12-22T15:45:36","slug":"healthy-boundaries-and-holiday-happenings","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/stillpointcounselingandwellness.com\/?p=1801","title":{"rendered":"Healthy Boundaries and Holiday Happenings"},"content":{"rendered":"

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The pressure is on!\u00a0 T minus 3 days until Christmas.\u00a0 This holiday season I have been thinking a lot about healthy boundaries.\u00a0 As a therapist, I am often working with clients on recognizing unhealthy boundaries and learning the skills they need to effectively create boundaries that lead to healthy relationships and happy lives.\u00a0 Despite this cognitive awareness, I still find myself in unhealthy patterns and pulled easily into situations that do not serve my best interest.\u00a0 The holiday season can be especially triggering.<\/p>\n

I recently read an article posted on social media that was describing the urge to \u201chibernate\u201d in the winter. (Side note:\u00a0 I wish I could find the original post to credit, but it has been taken down.) I am not sure about you, but I find myself wanting to stay inside more, snuggle up with a blanket, and read a good book.\u00a0 Sounds like a plan, right?!\u00a0 The article pointed out that most other animals hibernate in the winter.\u00a0\u00a0 If you think about our ancestors, they too \u201chunkered down for the winter\u201d.\u00a0 They prepared most of the year by growing foods, canning fruits, preserving vegetables, and making a bounty of nourishment that could be enjoyed without leaving the safety of home.\u00a0 Life slowed down in the winter, because it was necessary for survival.\u00a0 Our bodies may still have that instinctual drive to hibernate and care for our basic needs.<\/p>\n

This time of year, I find myself in constant opposition to rest and draw inward or to do \u201call the things\u201d.\u00a0 There are parties with friends, holiday school performances, teacher\u2019s gifts to buy, baking to do, gifts to buy, gifts to wrap, cookie exchanges, family gatherings, and holiday festivities that we dare not miss.\u00a0 Or, could we?!<\/p>\n

We could choose to not to do \u201call the things\u201d and chose to put ourselves first.\u00a0 What makes this choice so hard?\u00a0 It could be fear of offending others.\u00a0 It could be fear of regret or missing out.\u00a0 It could be self-imposed expectations that we use to define ourselves.\u00a0 It could be feelings of unworthiness.\u00a0 It could be any number of falsehoods we tell ourselves that keep us away from the truth.\u00a0 And, the truth is we are all worthy of holding space for ourselves.\u00a0 We all have the right to be here with honest personal emotions and to act in a way that is loving and care-taking.\u00a0 The truth is that when we put the needs of others ahead of our own, we set up the unstable ground of resentment, anger, and disconnection.\u00a0 Setting boundaries may not be easy, but it is a step towards acknowledging you are worth more than \u201call the things\u201d.<\/p>\n

As you go into the holidays, ask yourself, \u201cwhat brings me joy?\u201d\u00a0 Evaluate the underlying reasons for the decisions you are making.\u00a0 Make choices that serve your personal well-being.\u00a0 Notice when you are attuning to the needs of others and make the active decision to tune into your own needs.\u00a0 Say \u201cno\u201d when the action is not aligned with your needs, so that you can fully say \u201cyes\u201d with your whole heart when the action is aligned.\u00a0 Healthy boundaries will bring you greater joy and strengthen the connection of your relationships.<\/p>\n

Tools and Yogic Philosophy for Setting Healthy Boundaries:<\/strong><\/p>\n

We set healthy boundaries physically and emotionally.\u00a0 This may be physical space, including personal body space when talking to others or where you will stay over the holidays.\u00a0 This may also include nutritional and exercise needs, including being mindful of the types of food and drinks that make you feel healthy and activities that continue to give you energy.\u00a0 To set emotional boundaries, be mindful of the ways you take on family member\u2019s emotions, get drawn into arguments, or pulled into the old family drama.\u00a0 Decide what boundaries serve your well-being, set them, and do the hard work of staying in your truth despite the reactions of others.\u00a0 The last step is truly let go and let others make the decision to respect your boundaries.\u00a0 We can not control others or make them attend to our wants and needs.\u00a0 Setting boundaries is an action of decisiveness, as well as surrender.<\/p>\n

Setting healthy boundaries comes from a clear sense of self.\u00a0 This is a 3rd chakra characteristic.\u00a0 Manipura or the solar plexus is our 3rd chakra. \u00a0The 3rd chakra is governed by the element of fire.\u00a0 \u00a0When our 3rd chakra is in balance, we feel secure, we are confident, and have a clear sense of who we are and where we are going.\u00a0 The 3rd chakra right is \u201cto act\u201d.\u00a0 So, in balance we know what we want, and we feel empowered to make the decision.\u00a0 To balance Manipura chakra, try this simple pranayama with mantra.<\/p>\n