{"id":1817,"date":"2019-10-12T15:45:37","date_gmt":"2019-10-12T15:45:37","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/stillpointcounselingandwellness.com\/2020\/02\/19\/whats-no-got-to-do-with-it\/"},"modified":"2019-10-12T15:45:37","modified_gmt":"2019-10-12T15:45:37","slug":"whats-no-got-to-do-with-it","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/stillpointcounselingandwellness.com\/?p=1817","title":{"rendered":"What’s “NO” got to do with it?"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n

What’s “NO” got to do with it?
\n\u200b\u00a0 EVERYTHING!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

\"Picture\"
\nBoundaries.<\/strong> Such a small word for such a large task.\u00a0 I often wonder why there wasn\u2019t a class in school or
\na manual handed out?\u00a0 In a world that urges us to say \u201cyes\u201d, \u201cno\u201d has become a four-letter word.\u00a0 When
\ndid boundaries become passe\u2019 instead of necessary?<\/p>\n

Boundaries teach people how they are allowed to treat us and how they are not<\/strong>. They are about
\nprotecting our space, energy and person.\u00a0 Sometimes they are hard to set.\u00a0 Have you ever said yes to a favor and
\nthen think later, \u201cWhy did I do that?\u201d\u00a0 Enter that gut feeling, that lets you know your boundaries were
\ncrossed.<\/p>\n

So, here is a tip:\u00a0 when someone asks you for something next time, instead of immediately
\nsaying yes, allow yourself time to think about what you want and what works for you<\/strong>.\u00a0 Tell them, \u201cI\u2019ll
\nthink about it and let you know if that\u2019s feasible.\u201d\u00a0 Don\u2019t allow the pressure of an immediate answer to
\ncoerce you into to giving more than you are able.\u00a0 I often hear people say,\u00a0 \u201cBut, it\u2019s mean!”\u00a0 Here is another way to look at it – when you say no, it also gives the other people in your life permission to say no too. Saying \u201cno\u201d can make \u201cyes\u201d more meaningful. <\/strong><\/p>\n

So, here is the manual we never got in the hopes that boundaries become easier to navigate.<\/p>\n

Step 1<\/strong>: Know what your boundaries<\/strong> are and listen to your gut<\/strong>. Take some time to figure out how you want other people to speak to you, interact with you emotionally and even touch you. Think about how much time you have
\navailable to give to others and how much energy you need for yourself. Pay attention to what your body
\nis telling you. If your gut says no, listen to it.<\/p>\n

Step 2<\/strong>: Communicate<\/strong> your boundaries. Try to educate the people in your life about what actually works
\nfor you. This can save you from awkward conversation later because, essentially, they already know
\nwhat you are going to say.<\/p>\n

Step 3<\/strong>: Give yourself permission. Sometimes people need to be reminded of our boundaries but this
\nshouldn\u2019t happen more than once. If it does, there is manipulation at play. A person that respects your
\nboundaries is not going to ask why you have them. And you don\u2019t need to explain. Read that again.
\nBoundaries need no explanation. If you find yourself justifying why you have said \u201cno\u201d, stop. And \u201cno\u201d
\ndoesn\u2019t require an apology either. Save the apologies for when you have actually done something
\nwrong.<\/p>\n

Step 4<\/strong>: Enforce them. This is the hard part. If you have set a boundary, you have drawn an invisible line
\nin the sand and people need to know what happens if they cross it and you have to follow through. This
\nis a good time to let your behaviors speak for you. End conversations that are unhealthy. Walk away
\nfrom toxic situations. Put your energy into the things and the people that respect your limits.<\/p>\n

And remember, boundaries, are the best form of self-care<\/strong> available to us. They are a proactive way to
\nprevent later crisis or misunderstandings. Boundaries are necessary for healthy relationships and don\u2019t
\nlet anyone tell you otherwise.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Author<\/h2>\n

\u200bShanna Dickens is licensed clinical social worker in Wilmington, NC.\u00a0 Shanna has been a therapist for over 12 years specializing in the treatment of adolescents and adults who experience\u00a0trauma, anxiety, depression, chronic pain and secondary trauma in helping professionals.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

What’s “NO” got to do with it? \u200b\u00a0 EVERYTHING! Boundaries. Such a small word for such a large task.\u00a0 I often wonder why there wasn\u2019t a class in school or a manual handed out?\u00a0 In a world that urges us to say \u201cyes\u201d, \u201cno\u201d has become a four-letter word.\u00a0 When did boundaries become passe\u2019 instead […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":1845,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3,7,8],"tags":[36],"class_list":["post-1817","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-counseling-therapy","category-relationships","category-self-care","tag-boundaries"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/stillpointcounselingandwellness.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1817","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/stillpointcounselingandwellness.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/stillpointcounselingandwellness.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stillpointcounselingandwellness.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stillpointcounselingandwellness.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1817"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/stillpointcounselingandwellness.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1817\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stillpointcounselingandwellness.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/1845"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/stillpointcounselingandwellness.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1817"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stillpointcounselingandwellness.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1817"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/stillpointcounselingandwellness.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1817"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}