{"id":3931,"date":"2022-12-21T09:00:06","date_gmt":"2022-12-21T09:00:06","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/stillpointcounselingandwellness.com\/how-can-i-actually-practice-self-care-copy\/"},"modified":"2022-12-21T09:00:06","modified_gmt":"2022-12-21T09:00:06","slug":"how-to-set-boundaries-during-this-holiday-season","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/stillpointcounselingandwellness.com\/?p=3931","title":{"rendered":"How to Set Boundaries During the Holiday Season"},"content":{"rendered":"

by Spencer Lee, LCSWA<\/strong><\/p>\n

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For most people, or so it seems through movies and social media, the holidays are full of joy, wonder, and family. We\u2019ve all seen those clips of people gathered around a tree or dinner table, laughing, and appearing carefree. But in reality, holidays are often stressful- traveling, taking off from work, managing finances, wrangling kiddos, and often struggling through interactions with family when we don\u2019t see eye to eye.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

The American Psychological Association found that during the holiday season, 38% of people reported higher stress levels while only 8% said they felt happier. This is not to say that we can\u2019t join that 8%, because in fact, we can even change this statistic, and the key is to set boundaries.<\/span><\/p>\n

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What are boundaries and why are they important?<\/b><\/p>\n

\u201c<\/span><\/em>Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and me simultaneously.<\/em>\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u2013 Prentis Hemphil<\/span><\/p>\n

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\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 Boundaries are a set of guidelines and expectations that we hold for ourselves and others that clearly express how we will act or be treated. <\/span>Science of People<\/span><\/a><\/span> explains that boundaries define \u201cwhat we will say \u2018yes\u2019 to and what we say \u2018no\u2019 to\u201d- that they free us from the expectations of others. For example, a common work\/life boundary is that someone may choose not to answer emails while out of the office. Boundaries are inherently relational because it not only sets a clear expectation for us, but it also sends a message to others. This example sets the expectation that emails are not to be answered when out of the office and also sends a message to others making them aware of this change.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 Setting boundaries is one of, if not the most important, acts of self-care we can participate in. Setting boundaries helps us to decrease stress, avoid burnout, reduce conflict, increase our self-esteem, improve our relationships, and prevent emotional or financial burdens. It\u2019s helpful to remember that boundaries can be set around any area of our life (relationships, work, time, food, social media, money, personal space, etc).\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

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\u00a0<\/span>How exactly do we set boundaries?<\/b><\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 1.\u00a0 \u00a0Sometimes it\u2019s hard to know where to start with boundaries, especially if we aren\u2019t used to setting them. It can be useful to think back on past experiences of conflict or times where feelings of resentment have been present. Conflict and resentment act as guides, pointing us in the direction where boundaries may be needed to improve relationships and our own mental health.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 2. Decide on what and who the boundary needs to be set with. This might look like setting a boundary with family members about respecting your pronouns, not commenting on weight\/eating habits, or staying away from talking politics.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 3. Communicate your boundaries. A great recipe for boundaries looks something like \u201cI will\/can\/ am able to _______. I am not able\/going to ______. If ______ happens, I will ________\u201d.<\/span><\/p>\n

Here are some examples of how we can express our boundaries to others.<\/span><\/p>\n