When Families Change: Helping Children and Young Adults Navigate Divorce with CBT and ACT
By Lauren Holcomb, MSW Intern
Divorce can bring significant changes to a family, and children, teenagers, and young adults may not always know how to make sense of everything that is happening. Some may experience anxiety, struggle with transitions between homes, or have difficulty expressing their feelings. Others may seem to be doing fine while privately working through their own worries. For some, divorce means adjusting to new routines, changing relationships, or blended families. Others may wonder if the separation is their fault, feel caught between parents, or struggle with uncertainty about the future. These experiences can look different at every age, but they deserve to be taken seriously. There is no single right way to respond to family changes. Making space for difficult emotions, developing healthy coping skills, and having supportive people to turn to can make the adjustment feel more manageable.
Understanding Your Experience
Everyone experiences divorce differently. Age, personality, family relationships, and available support can all shape how someone responds. Younger children may struggle to understand why their family is changing or worry that they caused the separation. School-age children may experience sadness, confusion, or anxiety about moving between homes. Teenagers may feel frustrated, withdrawn, or caught between wanting independence and needing support. Young adults may face their own challenges, including changes in family traditions, shifting relationships with parents, or feeling responsible for supporting family members emotionally. It is also possible to experience several emotions at once. You might miss how things used to be while recognizing that some changes are positive. You might enjoy spending time with one parent and still feel guilty about it. You may feel angry, relieved, sad, confused, or unsure what you are supposed to feel. You can have conflicting feelings about your family’s changes without doing anything wrong. Sometimes, emotions show up through irritability, trouble sleeping, anxiety, difficulty concentrating, or changes in behavior. Other times, it may be hard to put feelings into words at all. Taking time to notice what you are experiencing can be a helpful first step toward understanding what you need.
When You Feel Caught in the Middle
One of the most difficult parts of divorce can be navigating changing family relationships. Even when parents want what is best for their children, disagreements or communication difficulties can sometimes leave family members feeling stuck in the middle. You might feel guilty about enjoying time with one parent, worry about hurting someone’s feelings, or feel pressure to take sides. You may find yourself carrying messages between households, listening to adult problems, or trying to keep everyone happy. For young adults, these pressures can continue even after moving out or becoming more independent. Changes involving new partners, blended families, or different expectations between households can bring additional uncertainty. It is understandable to need time to adjust to new relationships and family roles. If you feel caught in the middle, talking with a trusted person or therapist may help you sort through these experiences and identify ways to communicate your needs.
How CBT and ACT Can Help
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) offer different but complementary ways to work through difficult thoughts and emotions. Both approaches can help children, teenagers, and young adults better understand their experiences and develop healthy ways to cope with family changes.
CBT focuses on the connection between thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. During divorce, someone might begin to believe that their parents’ separation is their fault, worry about what the future will look like, or feel responsible for keeping everyone happy. CBT can help individuals recognize these thought patterns, explore whether those thoughts are accurate or helpful, and develop more balanced ways of thinking. It can also help build practical coping skills for managing anxiety, stress, and difficult emotions.
ACT focuses on learning to make room for difficult thoughts and feelings rather than feeling pressured to change them or make them go away. For example, someone might feel sad about changes in their family while still wanting to enjoy time with friends or participate in activities they love. ACT encourages individuals to acknowledge those feelings while continuing to engage in what matters to them. It also helps individuals identify personal values, such as connection, honesty, independence, or family relationships, and consider how to make choices that reflect those values.
Both approaches can support emotional awareness, coping, and adjustment. Therapy is not about telling you how to feel about your family’s situation. It is about helping you better understand yourself, work through difficult experiences, and find strategies that fit your needs.
Finding Ways to Cope With Family Changes
There is no perfect way to navigate divorce, and what helps one person may not work for another. However, a few strategies can make difficult moments feel more manageable.
1. Give yourself permission to feel what you feel.
You do not have to be okay with every change or feel the same way every day. Allowing yourself to acknowledge sadness, anger, relief, or confusion can help you better understand your experience.
2. Challenge the belief that you have to fix everything.
If you find yourself trying to keep everyone happy, remind yourself that you can care about your family without being responsible for resolving adult disagreements or managing everyone’s emotions.
3. Create routines that help you feel grounded.
Predictable routines, enjoyable activities, movement, creative outlets, and time with supportive people can provide a sense of stability when other parts of life feel uncertain.
4. Communicate your needs and boundaries.
You may need more time to adjust to a new family dynamic, reassurance about an upcoming transition, or space from conversations that feel overwhelming. When it feels safe to do so, expressing these needs can help others better understand your experience.
5. Find someone you can talk to.
A trusted friend, family member, school counselor, or therapist can offer support when you feel overwhelmed. You do not have to wait until things become unbearable to reach out.
These strategies will not remove every difficult part of divorce, but they can help you feel more supported as you work through the changes.
When Might Therapy Be Helpful?
Family changes can bring thoughts and emotions that are difficult to understand on your own. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) offer different but complementary ways to work through these experiences. Therapy provides a space to talk openly, explore difficult feelings, develop coping skills, and better understand how family changes affect you. Depending on your age, needs, and preferences, sessions may involve conversation, creative activities, emotional regulation skills, or approaches such as CBT and ACT. For younger children, therapy may include play and other age-appropriate activities that help them express experiences they may not yet have the words to explain. Teenagers may benefit from having a space to explore their emotions, identity, relationships, and boundaries. Young adults may use therapy to navigate changing family roles, independence, relationship patterns, and the emotional impact of longstanding family dynamics.
